Thursday, November 1, 2007
no title
mood : emotional , disappointed
action: running away from reality (copied this idea of writing emotion stuff from deviant art, i wonder they copy from who, or their original idea?)
today is definitely not one of those days that i can recall with joy. i rushed for my op and my dear friend veron's slide dont know god knows where just disappeared. i felt down. cant help it, we put in so much effort and the results was unsatisfactory. this is life you know. sometimes no matter how much one prepare something, at the most important juncture, another thing thats seemingly minute will randomly pop out and disrupt one's intricate plans and smash it into smithereens. 谋事在人，成事在天。
my ancestors really know how to put it.
after having dinner with my friends and upon reaching home. i straight away went to watch anime and play com. ya, trying to forget the reality, enter a virtual world, hoping that time will heal all wounds. i dont deny im escaping, pushing aside really important matters out of my brain. but i like the virtual world. in the real world, i am a just a incompetent student promoting with marginal passes. but in the virtual one, i can conquer the world, manipulator of the situation. its so different from the real me and i am addicted to it.
now talking about computer games. there are two games i like very much. both are strategic games-medival 2 total war and fifa manager. one is to send computer generated people to die and the other send people to play soccer. the reason i like these games maybe because the player is powerful and able to control other "people". in the real world im controlled by my parents, restrained but rules. however in games, i have the say, i am empowered. So i like this feeling and like the game!!
of couse, there are always homework to be done, notes to be read. but at least i already had a breather in front of the computer screen. many people think that playing computer is really no life. while i think that com games sustains my life. it fills my emptiness, gives me an outlet for my anger disappointments and inherent weakness. without it, i might have committed suicide long time ago. (...stoned for some time) maybe this is not the case, im not so weak la
there is one story in the bible i want to say, i cant recall properly and i wont refer it since i dont feel like it. it talks about satan trying to test one of god's faithful subject. he is called jacob or job, i cant remember. but anyway this guy he is faithful and upon meeting multitudes of unfortunate events wavered a bit, but still believed in god. in the end he was rewarded.
i am quite sure my story is wrong but hope the one reading it will roughly get the idea. resilience and faith(the believe that one will be able to do something) should be my god. sometimes i might fail, fail many times but as long as i have faith i might be able to pull through.
i am currently working on why buddists should eat beef, still thinking about it. its religious stuff and so it is sensitive. may or may not post it
jianan[8:22 AM]
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